i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Randomize
