Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
