If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
