I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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