dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Randomize
