he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Randomize
