do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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