She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
