I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
