Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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