I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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