it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Randomize
