I can text with my tongue
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
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