My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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