just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
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