She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Randomize
