Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
The feeling are messing with the penis
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
