i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Randomize
