Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Randomize
