Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
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