I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
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