her vagine was all disorganized.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
