You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Randomize
