I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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