yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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