We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
