You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
