The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
