Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
we made out on top of his cat.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
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