So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
