Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
I'm bleeding and have questions
Randomize
