I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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