My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
