she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
