I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Randomize
