she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
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