so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
