Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
