Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
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