So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
