did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
Randomize