2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
