He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Randomize
