drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
