I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Randomize
