oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
