Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
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