...so i touched it.
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
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