it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
