why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
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