If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize