It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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