the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Randomize
