Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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