I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
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