If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
This baby is an asshole
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
