I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
