Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
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wow
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
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