Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
whose parrot is this?
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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