I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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