Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
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