i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Randomize
