Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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