My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Randomize
