maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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