so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
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