My pussy is not your playground.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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