oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Randomize
