Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
You may now shotgun with the bride
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
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